Christmas KISS (Keep It Simple, Santa)

Christmas KISS: Keep it Simple, Santa.

People, I'm sure, get tired of hearing of me bitch about Christmas. Every year I invariably look forward to, then dread, and then am disappointed in Christmas. It's a pattern, I realized, that deserves some inspection. What is it about Christmas that bums me out so much? Is it the hard work? The money spent? The rampant materialism? The overt commercialization? The religious/political posturing?

No, I've concluded. All of those things are evident everyday in our decadent and decaying world. No, what really bugs me about Christmas is all the little chores and obligations that are forced on me against my will. None of them particularly onerous, but when combined, tend to ruin my zen. In short, Christmas is one giant complication in my otherwise simple life.

No, it's not the materialistic greed or over-commercialization of Christmas that bother me. If you've got the money to spend, spend it. There is definitely a satisfying element to finding the perfect gift—something you know will surprise, touch and inspire someone you love. My problem is when your spending becomes this herculean feat of epic contortion and complication wherein not only do you become mired in stress and conflict but your self-inflicted vortex of hopeless, romanticized idealism begins to suck poor innocent clerks, cashiers and yes, meat-cutters into your impossible passage to perfection.

I enjoy working. I don't mind when it's busy. I even enjoy taking a special order for a roast of a particular size or shape. What I hate, what I absolutely hate, is when somebody wants, needs, demands something we don't carry. Then it becomes a huge complication. We have to take the request. we have to make phone calls and inquires. We have to work out a price, then contact the customer back. We have to call back and make the order. Then we have to schedule the pick-up and then figure out how to sell the rest of the oddball product in order to make a profit on it (usually doesn't happen). Times that by a dozen and you have the makings of a ruined day.

Now this is just me. I know good business is built on that kind of above and beyond customer service. And people with great managerial skills handle these kind of complications on a daily, hourly basis. I know that. But it ain't me, babe. I am happiest in work (and life) when I am focused a a single task. When I am working hard and fast and “in the groove,” I am in a good place. Christmas orders and questions interrupt the groove.

To many people, this is just life. Complications are necessary in the pursuit of perfection.

It occurs to me that this is what ruins Christmas for a lot of people. We make these huge efforts to make sure everything is perfect. We over commit to a dozen little rituals, traditions and obligations. We go on some quest for the holy grail of the unattainable... and are disappointed when we can't find it. This is what a lot of us do in life. I was fishing with a friend the other day at a lonesome high mountain lake and he looked over at me and said, “how does it get any better than this? And why do I never have time to do this? We've done something wrong with our lives striving to pay for stuff that does nothing to make us happy, tied down to jobs that make us miserable, when all it takes to make me happy is a forty dollar rod and reel.”

Exactly right. Amid the hustle and bustle this season we all need to take a breath, think about what really makes us happy and focus on the little things of the season that we enjoy (Christmas lights, sappy movies, Irish Cream and mistletoe in my case). Don't stress if the post office loses your package, you couldn't find the right color sweater, you forgot to mail Aunt Edna a card or the butcher bungles your order for Scandinavian caviar. Take a deep breath and, when in doubt, keep it simple, Santa.

And, yes, the butcher wouldn't mind a new rod and reel.